Over the river and through the woods...

[jhetley]

Noticed a noticeable absence of mini-vans in the driveway next door and assumed that the horde was off to Grandmother's House for Thanksgiving dinner.  Then I stopped to think.

That's a "blended" family, second marriages (or further) for both, with four kids his, two hers, and one theirs.  Or some such distribution.  How does the modern American family define "grandmother" in those cases?  With four (or more) to choose from, some of which may be inimical to the second (or third) spouse while still grabbing frantically at the grandchildren-by-blood?

Gah.

Comments

[faxpaladin.livejournal.com]

That's when Thanksgiving becomes the Tour, rather than the Trip, and you have to be careful to save room for the meal at the next stop. Haven't BTDT myself, but watched the niece having to arrange it.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

It can even be sticky for an old-style family if the two grandmothers don't live in the same town. (As a child I was lucky they were only twenty minutes' drive from each other.) But people are having children later these days. Maybe by the time Mom and Dad are on a second or third marriage, the number of grandmas and grandpas has begun to dwindle?

[starcat-jewel.livejournal.com]

Much depends on geography as well. Older generations who live nearby have an advantage over those for whom a visit involves several hours' drive, or worse yet a flight. And as the children get older, they're going to have some say in the matter as well, especially in the last case you cite -- kids aren't dumb, they can figure out what's going on, and generally speaking they don't care for being used as pawns in family fights.

In the long run, it's something every family has to work out for itself... and that, in turn, pushes people toward the "Negotiated Option" family structure and away from the "Inherited Obligation" one, which is something I see as a Good Thing overall.

[cymrullewes.livejournal.com]

We only have three sets of grandparents to deal with. My mom is closest at 8 hours drive, my former in-laws and my father are next closest at 800 miles away (18 hours of driving). His parents are farthest at 3000 miles.

We invite them to come visit us. The only people I'm willing to drive down to see is my Mom. Alaric agrees with this, sometimes. Sometimes he just doesn't want to go to the hassle of the drive. Mom is about to retire soon which means she can come and visit us. His parents have come and visited twice since we moved to NH.

[barbarakitten-t.livejournal.com]

Hear me *LOL* Talk about blended families.

Between the five Borg we have 5 children, all with spice or partners, and 5 grandchildren. Marcey's son and Cheron's daughter have 1 parent apiece (we don't count either Cheron's ex or Marcey's ex in the mix because they don't have contact with the kids at all).TC's 3 (Brad, Heather and Lee) are mine, of course, but they have a mother and stepfather and they each have 1 parent living, I think. My mom and TC's mom are both living, Sean's mom and Cheron's mom and Dad are still living.

If you consider in-laws, out-laws and what have you, our holiday visit would take us from upstate New York to Florida to the Yukon and various points in between.

Sometimes it's easier to just stay home.